Hymn of Good Friday

Yesterday, for seemingly no reason, an intense wave of misery washed over me like an illness. The morning was fine, but I was not able to work so I read. After reading I began to think of what I should do with my time but could find nothing and this pressure started to fill my mind and body like a plague that was layed upon me because of some unspeakably horrible sin I had committed. Although to my knowledge I could not find what unmentionable sin against God or man this could be aside from my everyday fallings I nevertheless inwardly suffered a great torment that gave me no rest. It was almost comforting to be back in this position as it had harassed me for many years before my depression was overcome and I could look at it as an old friend that I once had a longstanding quarrel with but, upon remeeting this old friend did not know why I felt the hatred I felt toward them before, but knew there was a definite reason for it. I thought for some time of why this burden suddenly forced itself on me again even though I had done nothing to call it back, despite its long absence from its role in my life. I walked at night in hope that it would perhaps be relieved if the new spring air could blow it away, but it didn't. My feet carried me to the cemetery across from the highschool and I walked to the top of one of the two hills to sit. I thanked God for the opportunity to feel the air in that way again and marveled at the way this sorrow had brought back my past mental afflictions, but also how it forced me to recall how I used to perceive my surroundings and the change that has been made because of recent efforts to carry certain weights differently than I once did.
There was a lurking madness to the sky that I hadn't seen for years that seemed to warn me that they were going to break but that this break would be controlled. I noticed immediately that it reflected my current state, and that despite this overbearing sorrow it was nonetheless controlled and I had no need to worry, and only thankfulness that this would be turned for a greater good very soon. I recognized this all as it has happened before but now it was shown in a different light. My prayer was answered that I would be able to know plans like these as they were happening, and not to be blind to them, no matter how painful they may be in the moment, and not to look eagerly, but to wait and be patient because it will be shown at the right moment, and I am not the one to say when.
A peace replaced this sorrow earlier that needed to be shown to me so that I may rest and be trusting that I should not try to do that which I am not capable of, but to grow on that which I have. Ask and yee shall receive. But I am only to be patient.