Necessary abandonment.

"... music may represent the primal language, through which our spoken form derives through limitation. Harmony, polyphony, orchestration and so on are all partial expressions of the structures of meaning that music embodies; which are rarely to be found when we speak with eachother."-Structures of Meaning: A.G.E. Blake

A fairly miserable start to the morning with an unusual amount of birds chirping away on the trees across the street from my window. I awoke with the pleasent surprise that (although this may sound a bit morbid at first) my fellow worker was feeling ill this morning and said he would not be going to the job site. Our boss leaving us to do the work ourselves and me not knowing quite how to hang sheet rock, at least by myself, meant that I have the day off. I felt alittle sick myself and decided to go for a walk around the block to get my blood moving. I passed an opening along the guardrail that John told me about once. If I remember correctly he had been walking at dawn in a bit of a haze and felt the impulse to journey down into the woodsy area through the opening of the gaurdrail. He said there was a swamp, or some area with water that he stopped at and sat. Apparently he had caught just the right angle of the sun in between the trees and the mist of the water when a large fish had jumped from the water through his line of vision. Or maybe it was a bird that flew out from nowhere, I can't recall, but it was quite the vision, or so I imagine. I've always wanted to travel down there myself just to see the area he was talking about but havn't felt the desire to do enough to actually follow through. Alas, I still havn't. I passed it but saw the unreasonable amount of snow and felt it better just to walk on. My dad arrived home with a package under his arm. Could this be the 6-cd set of Robert Fripp conversations to his audiences at certain soundscape performances from 97-98?! It was! "What a loser", I'm sure you're thinking. I don't blame you, but they are very important to me and I value the man's insight very much. And what to my surprise!? An autographed cover photo of the package front page. So far, two unexpected yet much needed and embraced events.
To enter into the sphere of the creative impulse, and rise and decent of the muse which is actively and readily available to us all is a blessing and a privilege. Such an event must be experienced and cannot be spoken of to do any sort of justice. Such an event is also particularly useful to the one who gives himself to the muse which he seeks. If one forces personality in a performance, what chance does the music have to breath? The forced presence and ego of the performer is fueled and the music itself dies, much to the heartbreak of the attendee who is there to do his or her part as a member of the audience. To let the muse in which the performer wishes to stand aside for present itself, then the musician has no choice but to abandon his own sense of ego. Only then can he not play a single note that he wants to play, but rather is at the will of God who moves it.
AOL continues to have its way with me and refuses to make anything easy enough to discharge with the amount of energy I have to deal with it, so I think this impulsive post must come to an end. And thank God, I'm sure you're tired of reading it.