No More, My Lord.

Been a while hasn't it? Or a week or so rather.

Despite the week I've been having, it changed drastically today. I'm not quite sure why the week I was having started to decline as quickly as it did, but I felt something very powerful today. Allow me to explain. There is a man named Charlie. He is the Father-in-law of a guitarist I know who plays in our church. His name's Gary, I've mentioned him before, he's the one that plays with Niles and I when we jam (all too seldomly). But anyway, that's beside the point. So there is a portion of the service where anyone who wishes to pray aloud can do so. Normally during this time I just sit and look at what John is drawing to my right and laugh silently at the stuff he comes up with. But today one of the Decans went to the front and began to pray. He has been very ill for a while was actually close to death for a short time. So he proceeded for a few minutes, and it was nice. Moving at that. But when that portion of the service was over and we stood he began to speak again. He spoke of Charlie. Now Charlie happened to be at the service today, and he is a whole different case altogether. Charlie has had many bouts with illness, but has recovered from all of them. He is an incredibly faithful and spiritual man, and I've had quite a few discussions with Gary about him and his life up to this point. I recently found out Charlie was (and technically is) in an A Capella group since the 60's. Gary let me hear a recording the rest of Charlie's band did for him recently on account of him being in a coma. Every now and then Gary would give everyone an update on his condition, and I was under the impression that he was still in the hospital because not a month ago he said that he was starting to be able to speak normally to others and was getting his memory back. Now as far as I can remember his condition wasn't a whole lot past that point last I heard. But he was there today, walking and talking to people and everything.

I remember when I was younger he used to come into church every now and then, and when he would speak I would cower in fear because his voice is so deep and brooding (yet lyrical and melodious because of his blues and soul singing for so long) that it frightened me. Also the fact that he is a 6 and a half foot tall black man didn't make me less afraid either. But anyway, I digress. So as the Lou (the Decan) adressed Charlie, Charlie stood up and began to speak what he needed to say. Like I mentioned earlier, he is a very spiritually wise man and has alot of power in everything he says. I'm afraid I can't relay what he said. If I tried I'd fail his words miserably. But he spoke, almost in a crescendo, to which he built upon his conviction, new understanding and new veiw, despite his being so ill and in a coma for the time that he was. What hit me so hard was the honesty and power behind his voice. I've never heard anyone, in any setting or in any way, have so much truth and conviction behind what they say. His voice felt like a blinding light that made my minds eye tremble in fear. Not a horror fear, but a different kind of fear. Fear of God perhaps. I guess I never really understood when people said things about "The fear of God within them". But I do now. As much as it made me cower, I still wanted to be closer to it.

I've heard honesty in what people say, I've heard truth in what people say, but it's always come to a point of acceptance. I've always had to think of what the person said and accept it or reject it first before I could really appreciate what they were saying. This was not like that. I had no choice but to accept it because it levelled me out. I tried to stand, not just physically, but emotionally so that I may put myself under the impression that I was strong in some way, but I couldn't. His voice, and the words behind them brought me to a humbled point that I had yet to reach until then. I wish everyone I know could've felt what I felt when he spoke. But I asked, and I recieved far more than I expected. I cannot understate this. I could go on for quite a bit longer, but I dont want my point to be lost or drilled into the ground, so I have to stop.

I know you get a far different feeling reading this from what I felt or feel while writing this, but that does not change anything. This was just one man's voice. If one man's voice could move me so much then why wouldn't I be afraid of the force behind what moved him to say what he said? And please, don't say something like a that's-great-that something-like-that-happened-to-you-best-of-luck, kind of thing. I'd rather have no one say anything at all than a remark like that. I just felt this was something I needed to make known because this was a big event for me. That is all.